Using Facebook to Be Happier

Research suggests that after perusing Facebook, people experience a decrease in mood. After all, most people post the highlights of their life and their best selfies on Facebook, not the worst parts of their day or the picture that gets permanently deleted. It’s a natural tendency to compare ourselves to each other; scrolling down your newsfeed and seeing the best parts of everyone else’s life can easily leave you asking “What about my life? I’m not doing x, y, or z that so-and-so and such-and-such is. What do I have?” So, how do you make Facebook a more positive experience?

Facebook can be a positive experience, but there are guidelines to make sure you benefit from it:

1. No comparing yourself to the next guy! This is an absolute “no.” Comparing yourself to others, on Facebook or in life, will almost never benefit you.
2. Second, spend more time on your page and close friends’ pages than on the newsfeed. Look back at your old pictures of good times and reminisce about them. See what inspirational or meaningful quotes you posted within the past month as status updates; see what friends posted to your wall. Comment on a friend’s timeline with a “thinking of you” message. Doing each of these things is likely to leave you with positive feelings.
3. Use Facebook’s “You have memories with _______ back on this day” feature that automatically shows you your activity on the same date from previous years. It’s a trip down memory lane. If there are good memories with someone, reach out to that person and share in reminiscing together—research shows that reminiscing with friends and loved ones increases happiness.
4. Only post “feel-goods,” neutral things, or things that are meaningful to you. Facebook is not an opportunity to share the worst thought you’ve had all day, nor is it a healthy outlet for your anger about the person who just stole your parking spot. (There are plenty of other ways to vent without using Facebook). Make your Facebook a place for you and your positives; think of it as an online feel-good diary. Use it to focus on the positives in your life, what is special and meaningful to you, and what you want to remember.
5. Use Facebook to connect with your friends—not stalk your acquaintances who  don’t play an important role in your life; it’s a waste of your time and will not make you feel happier. Reach out to friends you don’t talk to as often as you want to, post something funny to a friend’s timeline, or send someone a message. Not only are you connecting with that person, which strengthens the relationship and feels good, but you’re also giving something to that person, which also feels good! We all like to know someone was thinking of us and cared enough to reach out.

I have a challenge for you. I would like for the Facebook page for Paragon Life Coaching to be flooded with positives from people’s days. I want it to be an opportunity for each individual to focus on the positives in his or her life that day, whether it seems big or small. The point of this “exercise” is not to judge whatever the positive is as “big” or “little,” but to recognize the glass as half full more.

As I have written my own personal “positives” on the Facebook page for Paragon Life Coaching, I can tell you that it actually takes courage: you are sharing something with potentially *everyone.* Additionally, what is an accomplishment for you that you genuinely feel good about, such as buying back-up toilet paper, being assertive with your significant other, making the doctor appointment you’ve been putting off, washing your car, smoking 3 cigarettes instead of 5, playing with your dog, parallel parking perfectly, going out of your comfort zone and trying a new kind of food, the cup of coffee you enjoyed, holding the door open for someone, exercising—whatever it is--might seem like it’s not worth posting—BUT IT IS! These positives are not to be judged and they are not points of comparison for others; posting these things is about recognizing and celebrating the things in your life that make you feel good, regardless of how big or little they seem. If you want to be happier, you must remember that happiness is not about what happens to you or what you have--how big or little everything is, happiness is about how you see. I hope you accept this challenge and share the feel-goods in your day on the timeline on Paragon Life Coaching's Facebook page!