Are Negative Feelings Okay?

As a life coach, I’m all about the positive aspects of life: enjoying it, being productive, feeling grateful, etc. At the same time, there is a place for feeling sad, angry, frustrated, etc. I’ve made it my mission to help people get the most out of their life, overcome the negatives, increase positives, meet their goals, and make the changes they need. At the same time, people need to know that it is okay to feel down sometimes. It is normal to feel angry sometimes. It is okay to have negative feelings and be in a “lull” at points. You do not need to feel happy all of the time. Part of being human is experiencing both happiness and sadness.
 
If it is normal to feel sad, angry, etc—and it is “okay,” then how do you know when feeling those feelings are part of the typical negative feelings that accompany life versus something that need more attention? When do negative feelings cross over from experiencing them as a healthy part of the human condition to not serving you and benefiting from an adjustment? How do you know you’re feelings aren’t a flag for getting extra help or learning new skills?
 

1. You are aware of your feelings, you know why you feel how you do, and you choose when and how you feel and express them.
   
2. Most of the time, you are able to use a coping skill to redirect your attention when you need to and fulfill the demands at hand, so your negative feelings are not interfering with your daily tasks and relationships.
3. You are still able to enjoy things.
4. You’re still eating, sleeping, engaging in social activities, exercising, and performing self-care tasks as you typically would.
5. You have things you are looking forward to and you are passionate about something. Although your negative feelings can distract you sometimes, you are able to see the things you love about your life and look to the future.
   

 
You’re allowed to have a few crappy weeks and be in a bad mood. It’s part of life. Of course, there are ways to make those weeks feel better, but do not pressure yourself by believing that you always have to be 90% in the best mood. Life is full of ups and downs. It’s okay to feel sad or angry. Embrace it. Cope with it. Learn from what those feelings are communicating. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps. Don’t pressure yourself by thinking you *need* to feel happy. Of course being happy feels better, but negative feelings can have as much value in our lives as positive feelings. Learn how to accept, express, cope, and work with your feelings—positive and negative—so they benefit you.